The Great Divide: Whipped Installment

THE GREAT DIVIDE: THE GOOD, THE BAD, and THE UGLY OF CLIMBING COUPLEDOM

(Part of an on-going series on my blog of posts from my column Whipped, for Climbing Magazine. December, 2006 Installment.)

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“I just want a boyfriend who climbs ... I just want a woman who will go to Yosemite with me ... I want a man/woman/dog who gets climbing ... I want to sleep with/date/marry another climber. ... ” Well, don’t we all?

I had one of those — a husband, Eli — and, yes, it was great to put our hands down each other’s pants at frigid belays, work out adhesions in each other’s sore forearms, and support one another on endless projects. We had it good ... until it ended. And, boy, it sucks when it’s over. I’m not talking about that lost love or lifestyle; I’m talking about divying up the gear.

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Expando-Crag: Whipped Insallment

EXPANDO-CRAG: MAXIMIZING YOUR CLIMBING SPACE, POLISH-STYLE
(Part of an on-going series on my blog of posts from my column Whipped, for Climbing Magazine. September, 2006 Installment.)

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The Poles, long known for making do in the face of social, political, and economic hardship, have also always applied the same perseverance to sport. Consider the recent introduction of the bicycle with hydraulic saddle-lifting mechanism, or the kayak-surfboard for those especially tricky waves, introduced in 1999 with some success. But by far the best example of Polish ingenuity is the Expando-Crag, a yet-to-be-patented system I experienced firsthand during a month-long trip to Polska in 2005.

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Going for Broke: Whipped Installment

Going for Broke: An (Ir)Rational Pursuit of Every Climber’s Dream
(Part of an on-going series on my blog of posts from my column Whipped, for Climbing Magazine. Januray, 2005 Installment)

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It’s 7:30 a.m. and you’re at the parking lot of your local crag. Today you plan to finally get on the choice route on the cliff. You’ve been waiting for two months to do this climb, and the perfect finger crack is a siren beckoning to you again and again. Now you’re finally heeding her call.

Today’s my day, you remind yourself as you cut your car’s ignition. Grabbing your coffee mug, you open your door only to have it hit the car next to you with a resounding thud. You look up surprised, since you hadn’t even seen the car, and lock eyes with the climber in the passenger seat. You know in an instant that the climber and his partner are headed for your climb. Scanning their bodies reveals that they’re fit, though you think you could out-hike them to the base. Climbing out of the car, you mouth an apology to your opponent and move to the trunk in three quick strides. Less than a minute later you’re buckling your pack when your partner announces that she has to use the facilities. You fake an understanding smile and watch as the other climbing team seizes the opening and heads for the trail.

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La Petite Epic: Whipped Installment

La Petite Epic: Learning the Ropes, French Style

(Part of an on-going series on my blog of posts from my column Whipped, for Climbing Magazine. October, 2004 Installment)

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It all began with an overhanging limestone pocket at Wild Iris. Actually there were two of them, and, due to their distance apart and the lack of other features surrounding them, I was supposed to be holding onto one and heel hooking in the other. The problem was, however, that I am unfamiliar with the art of heel hooking. The concept seemed simple enough but each time I tried to lift my left leg into the pocket, I felt like I was beginning an upside-down cartwheel.

“Try the Gaston!” yelled my partner Charlie.

“Who?” I screamed as my arms gave way and I launched into the space below.

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Finding Your Better Half: Whipped Installment

This week I am going to start doing something different and introduce back installments of my column Whipped. I hope to alternate between column installments and other comments. You can also see this in a PDF version here

Finding Your Better Half : The search for the perfect (rope) mate

(Part of an on-going series on my blog of posts from my column Whipped, for Climbing Magazine. April, 2004 Installment.)

You wake up to your alarm at 6:30 a.m. Your dog hears the buzzer and jumps in bed to make his wet nose your second reminder. You have a date today — this morning, in fact. At 7:45 you are meeting a new climbing partner at the local coffee shop and you don’t want to be late.

You spring out of bed and briefly debate whether to take a shower. Will your new belay slave/rope gun be more impressed with yesterday’s odor or today’s Irish Spring? You opt for a two-minute oral-hygiene attack instead. By 6:43 you are standing outside in your flip-flops staring into the trunk of your car. You’ve offered to bring the rack and wonder: Should you go light, to encourage questions about your virtually unknown alpine career, or should you load up with doubles of every cam and the offsets in between — maybe he is a potential wall partner?

You decide on an eclectic mix: your new set of RPs commingled with various bootied nuts, and one cam of each size, including a couple of rigid Friends to show your climbing breadth. You clip your draws onto a sling and smile as the sun reflects off the biners into your eyes.

Today is the day.

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